Giving up an idea is not easy. Always being too ambitious to accomplish my goals and plans, my life was always too overwhelming to cope with. The consequence of being a stubborn perfectionist not only shows in my studies as I always spent tons of time trying to complete plans that were challenging and super time-consuming, but it also shows in my career path. I applied to phd in this year’s application cycle. Even though I received offers from several programs, I got rejected by my dream laboratory. It makes sense as the whole institution only accepts 9 people each year, but I was super disappointed as I planned to get into my dream school’s phd program. I started to question whether I was qualified for a phd journey and got super frustrated whenever I questioned myself. I even wrote a lot of emails to the PI whom I had contacted before to try to get an interview opportunity.

That period did drive me crazy, but I then realized that “getting into my dream school’s phd program” is no longer a feasible option for me, at least not for this application cycle. I still have other choices like going to those programs that have sent me offers this year, taking another two years for the research assistantship and reapplying next time, or even going into the industry to work in a pharmacy for a few years and then reapplying if needed. I tried to think from another perspective and found that I got trapped by the “bug” in my professional life. There are thousands of options for me to choose from, and receiving one rejection letter should not be a big deal at all.